Let me take you to a gay bar, gay bar. or not. it's fine. we can just go to hesburger. no problem (part 2 of 4)

Hey! Today I'm in Lisbon. It's 28Cº and my sister lives up the hill. I came back from the supermarket and completly colapsed in the sofa for 3 hours.

Apart from that pointless information, I'm also here to share my opinions on the second gay bar! YEY!
 

MYBAR:

Generally speaking, Mybar is a terrible place unless you're a 40-something gay man who loves Eurovision.
If that's the case, go for it.

(ahah is she patting her boobs?)

The problem is that the bar isn't popular at all. I followed them on facebook, and everytime they invited me for an event the only two people who checked attendance were part of the staff. Which is sad, because they do make an effort to have different events. There was even a Electro Swing night!

The space itself isn't bad. It's small and cozy and they have plenty of really comfortable sofas and beanbags. It's a nice place to be either dancing or sitting down for a drink in the upper floor.
The most stricking characteristic about Mybar is that it's the only club on the list that isn't underground. It has windows, it's very central and inviting (you still have to ring a doorbell, though) From outside, it looks like any other bar, which for me it's a positive thing, but it actually may not be: If it doesn't look like a gay bar, how do you keep away homophobes?

In spite of starting this review saying it's a terrible place, I'll make amends and admit I actually had a great night there. The first time I've been at MyBar was for a 90's party and,  proving my theory that gay girls in Vilnius love decade thematic nights, there was a lot more people than usual and the music was good. (I mean, if you like Spice Girls and Madonna. I do.)
Unfortunately, after that, everytime I went there it looked like a house party that is reaching its end: only a few drunk people slouching on the sofa and not much going on.

  Rating *
I really think it could be a cool place, if only people went there. But then again, that goes for almost anything, even a warehouse in the middle of the forest would be cool if it had a lot of fun people and good music.
If you want to check it out, I would reccommend going on a themed night, since more people may come. And the good thing is: in case it sucks, you're still in the city center and in a walking distance to a lot of bars and clubs - it's easy to make a plan B and not have you're night ruined.

Let me take you to a gay bar, gay bar. or not. it's fine. we can just go to hesburger. no problem (part 1 of 4)

While in Vilnius I had a personal goal of going to each and every gay bar and write a review on it, to make a sort of LGBT NIGHTLIFE GUIDE.
I was almost sucessfull, and missed only one. ("Girl's Factory".. I'll be back.)

Before you read them, I must warn you that overall I'm not very picky with the places I go out to. I think that even if you're in a lame club you would never choose to go to in a million years (and that goes for a lot of nightclubs in Vilnius), sometimes it just takes the right company to make the most of it. And luckily, I had that. So I would really advise anyone eager to venture the gay clubs in Vilnius to get themselves someone fun to embark that magic-rainbow journey with you.

RELAX:

I went there for its closing party. I've been told they had had a few of them that turned out to be false alarm but, from the look of it, this one was the for once and for all. The place didn't open up again for the rest of my stay in Vilnius. Nevertheless, I chose to include it in the guide because
a) it was the only lesbian club I went to 
b) you never know, it may re-open one day...

It was in Jaksto Gatve, the same street where I worked, and though I passed it everyday I had never noticed the corner with a sign saying KLUBAS. That was Relax.

To get in, you rang the dorbell, a man would open the door for you and LOCK IT AGAIN ONCE YOU'RE INSIDE.

The place vaguely reminded me of the shopping centers they built in Portugal in the late 80's: Mirror walls, glass counter, ugly tiles... Now add to that a disco ball, spray-painted palm trees and a really huge sofa corner that looked like it was stolen from a high school theater production of Dracula.
On top of this.. Christmas decorations! It was December.

 My friend Kathi asked for a gin and tonic and was handed a misterious blue drink that seemed to glow in the dark. You could also ask for tea, and I saw a coffee machine there. Lithuanians aren't that into coffee so spotting an expresso machine, speciallly in a club, was very out of ordinary.

As strange as it may sound, the weirdest thing about that night in Relax, wasn't the place: it was the people.
There were 20 women there, maximum. And they were all couples. Me and Anna were the only single ladies (fact that we celebrated by dancing to Beyonce's hit  in a completly empty dancefloor).

It's not strange that everyone was paired up. The thing is, they LOOKED paired up. They were wearing matching clothes. All of them!
There were two girls in a dark blazer, with long hair. Two with checkered shirts, a beanie and piercings. Two wearing jeans and a hoddie, two with hiking shoes and messenger bags, for God's sake there was even a couple with the exact same tshirt, and it was pretty obvious, it had huge Mickey Mouse printed on it!!



This was really bothering me. Maybe because I have a sister and somehow connect dressing alike to something siblings do, so when I see it in a couple it feels incestuously creepy.
Apparently I was the only one being disturbed by it, when I wispered to my friend Kathi "Have you noticed the couples? They all match" and she shrugged "oh, yeah, that's why I changed my tshirt before coming, I had one like Elena's".

 Rating: **
 I'm giving it two stars because it was the only lesbian place in town (except Girl's Factory, but that's not always open) Also, for the coffee machine and Beyoncé.

Tiny Furniture

I wanted to write something full of bright shiny feelings about being back, summing up Vilnius and celebrating new beginnings. The kind of thing one would want to read in that voice-over tone they always do in the end of a Grey's Anatomy episode.

Turns out I can't.
I'm thrilled about being back, but at the same time not at all.
I've been struggling with this midterm of, not completly here, but not there anymore, and feeling kind of lonely and weird.

On top of that,
It seems like everyone else has plan, and a job, and a house, and a cat.
I only have the latter, and it doesn't even care for me all that much.

"so,
what are you going to do now?" 

I've been asked by everyone about what I'll do next, and am trying to convince myself that saying "I'm taking a month or two, to focus on my art" doesn't make me sound like a complete slacker.

In a moment of panicky ansiety about the future I wrote to Anna explaining "it's like this weird moment that feels like everything is possible and I don't even know where to start looking." I'm perplexed with all the sides this could take, and scared of failing. Right now, stoping for a bit and watching the entire first season of Orange Is the New Black, on my pyjamas, seems like it's the only sane decision I can make.



BUT, moving on to people that are actually making tremendous changes,
João is leaving to Switzerland, today!
We met for 2 days, in Porto, and he's going for 2 years.

This sucks,
it's no fun to come back and have to do goodbyes again. I'll miss him more, now I'm here.
but I know he's going to have a great time in his fancy master studies, and I'm super-excited to hear about the apartment-search adventures, in Luzern!




à bientôt!

BuzzFeed was looking for editors to write articles in Portuguese. I wrote one before re-checking the job requirements and realising I would need a work permit for the US, to apply. 

It's a shame to waste it, but I really can't be bothered to translate it right now. (maybe later?) So, for the portuguese speakers, go ahead and give it a read:
http://www.buzzfeed.com/joanaestrela/os-10-momentos-mais-estranhos-dos-protestos-anti-g-dmo4

Also,
Yey! I'm Back!
Feel like I'm going through a weird i-have-so-much-to-do-i-feel-like-doing-nothing-oh-let-me-eat-another-piece-of-gluten-free-carrot-cake-while-i-stress-about-it phase and it's hard to focus on anything, blogging included. But I'll write more, soon.

Until then, look at this cat:
 

funny fact about the baltics:
During summer, there's barely any night.

The sun has been rising around 4 am and since my room only has thin yellow blinds I would always wake up in the wee hours of the morning, feeling really confused.

For a while I mastered the technique of just-grab-something-and-put-it-over-your-face.
The pillow, a book, jacket sleeve, a hat, my own arm...


but all of this was either unconfortable, hard to breathe, or fell from my face easily (the socks).

so I finally bought a mask.




But sometimes I lose it during the night and, when I wake up at 5 with the yellow light beaming on my face, instead of having the discernment to get up and look for it, I go back to the old habit of sleepily grabbing something around me and putting it over my eyes.

This happened again last night and, as I reached for the sock drawer.. genius idea!:

What if I wear panties on my head?

and so I did.




INSTANT BLISS

Anywaaay,
This is probably going to be my last post until I go back. Baltic Pride starts on the 23rd and everyone is kind of nervous, busy and tired. And in the free time I have important things to do at home, like figuring out how to pack 3 winter coats.


BUT, to celebrate the Pride and all things colourful and glittery I'm sharing with you, dear readers, the link for a mixtape I made for Kathi, on her birthday, with the promise it was the gayest playlist I could come up with.


Have fun, enjoy the summer and dance around!

kathi's b-day from Dorty Parker on 8tracks Radio.

See you in August!

at least 3 links to youtube, in here.

Elena, Kathi, Carlota and I went to Tallinn for the weekend.

Sofia had talked so much about the city, from when she went to study there, that it was hard not to like the place even before going.


But I wish I had visited Tallinn more off-season. The old town seemed like a medieval-themed park, invaded by pricey italian restaurants and packed with tourists coming from big cruises. The whole place felt like a huge touristic attraction, it was hard to imagine anyone actually living there.

But I felt better after escaping to the less crowded streets, and visiting the surronding neighbourhoods.

So, here are my highlights from Tallinn:

1- Kalamaja was a really nice part of the city to go for a walk and had more alternative places. We went for coffee in F-Hoone and ginger beer at Pudel Baar.

2 - Linnahall port. An abandoned concrete temple, built by the soviets for the olympics = my idea of a romantic spot.

 
3- Pancake place. Forgot the name. It's a restaurant in the old town that mainly serves pancakes. HUGE PANCAKES. I ordered mine with bacon.


4- Estonian language sounds super adorable. Like elfs talking. 
I learned that öö means night.
öö
öö öö
öö

öö öö öö öö
öö öö
 öö 
   
On the last day, we went to a really weird shot bar.
After each of them tried two different funny-coloured drinks, they hugged me goodbye and I went to the hostel and packed my stuff to leave the next morning to Helsinki, for two extra nights.


But there was one thing that affected the rest of the journey.
I got PMS.

tam tam taaaaammm...



This had happened before in Berlin and resulted in me bursting into tears in Telmo's kitchen, while checking my gmail inbox, and listening to Now, Now's album on repeat while walking in the city and thinking gloomy thoughts for a few hours.





When I came back to Vilnius I promised myself never to travel again in the week before my period. But of course, one can't always plan their trips acording to ovulation cycles.


And it's not like it always makes depressed. I mostly just feel really overwhelmed. About everything. Emotions get wider and the world is too big for me to deal with it. But that's not necessarily a bad thing, and it works both ways: sadness can be grand and overwhelming, but so does joy.
When the boat reached the port and I saw the city for the first time, it semeed like a tangible reflection of what I was feeling. Helsinki was monumental, spacious. It was bustling and calm at the same time. I loved it. 


Anna had sent me a list of suggestions for things to do, that I carried with me, religiously. and now I'm making you a travel guide including some of her tips, and some of mine:


GUIDE TO HELSINKI

The city has very different areas:
 
- in the Centre, the main street Aleksanterinkatu, Cathedral and old market square by the sea;
- Punavuori is a bit hipster and has many Finnish design shops and nice cafes, it's good for window-shopping and afterwards you can rest in the garden next to the Sinebrychoff Art Museum;
- Töölö has beautiful architecture and is worth walking around. There's a lot of people jogging and cycling around Töölönlahti, and my advise is to sit in a bench and jut stay there enjoying the view of the lake and having people pass you by, running, while you're being all idle and lazy.

 - Kallio is the old working class district and has cheap beer bars.

ALSO: Street names are written both in finnish and swedish. So it's not like they named the streets with such long names that it occupied two plaques, which was what crossed my mind at first.

Things to Visit: 
-Kiasma - contemporary art museum.
-Design Museum - the temporary exhibition they had was really good, but the permanent was more or less ok. -so i'm not really sure if I would recommend it alwaaays, but I'm keeping it on the list.
-Kaamperi-  this didnt appear in any the touristic maps, which is odd. It's a bit out of the centre (take tram 8) and it's an old factory that now has galleries, studios and some events going on. Also, it's FREE (the galleries).
-Cafe nr9 - nice place to eat.
-Tram number 3 - it goes round in a circle and gives you a good picture of Helsinki, in the tourist information points there's a map with all the places of interest  the tram passes by, so it's perfecto to get a day ticket and just hop-on an off.
-Take a public transport ferry to Suomenlinna Island for a picnic (it leaves from the market square and costs just a couple of euros, look for the "HSL" public transport sign and avoid the expensive tourist ferries) - i didn't have time to do this, though
-For not so expensive Finnish soups, fish etc. go to the indoor market in Hakaniemi (tram 3 stops there)

Another thing I did while I was there was to go to a concert at Loose bar ("Nice bar with cheap concerts"said Anna).
Remember a few months ago, when I went to Riga, for an exhibition, and feared I would end up by myself in a corner shyly sipping my drink and not talking to anyone?

well, that's exactly what happened this time.

Guess you can't win 'em all.

Normally, in this situations, I just approach the other person in the room that looks as alone and lost as me. But this time I was the only one by myself, in a noisy basement, surrounded by groups of friends happily chatting about and I just couldn't push myself to go and approach a random group of people, even though I wanted.

The concert was really nice an I trully enjoyed it. (It was this lady: Irma Agiashvili)
 but couldn't shake away the awkward being-all-alone feeling, and I walked back to the hostel, that night, in really low spirits.

The next day I talked with a guy from my hostel, who had been travelling around Europe by himself, and told him about that night in Loose. He said he totally understood my shyness, and he would feel the same: "What I usally do is to have a few drinks, and then I'm much more relaxed about going around and introducing myself to people." 
That made me feel like less of a loser, but, unfortunately, his solution won't work for me, for a variety of reasons: starting from the fact that I stopped drinking alcohol and that, even if I hadn't, I'm a security freak that refuses to get even slightly tipsy if I'm in a foreign place.

always alert

aaaaaalwaaaaaysss
 

Maybe I'm overthinking this and I should just conclude that I CAN'T go to a bar on my own, and expect myself to do some hardcore socializing, specially in the most touchy-feely and sensitive part of the month. 
Maybe I should just STAY AT HOME and watch rom-coms with Heath Ledger and cry a bit because he's dead now.

it's so sad..

Has any of you been in that situation? 

Going to a party where you knew no one?

or arriving in the club but your friends are all late (so you're just casually playing snake in your phone so it looks like you're busy)?

or, on the other side, how often have you given up on doing something or going somewhere, because you had no one to come with you and it's less fun if you can't share it?

When I was planning to go visit Finland, my idea was going to Turku aswell, and visit Moomin World:

It's the Moomins theme-park. But I quickly decided that, though I really want to go there, it's one of those things that would be way nicer if I went with someone with whom I can get all hyper and point at things and take pictures with the charathers.

It just has to wait for another time.

I think I may be intolerant to alcohol.
I've been wondering about it for the past few months, and I guess I'm finally admitting that I should probably quit drinking. At least for a decent amount of time.

I reckon it's related to the gluten intolerance thing and my overly-sensitive body, but it's odd because I never felt like this before!!
A year ago me and Sofia were going through our post-erasmus-drinking period and had an impressive collection of bottled-goods in the cupboard.

I felt totally fine.
But now, I can't have more than 2 or 3 units without feeling, the next morning, like my intestines are screaming for revenge. 

I kept blaming it on something else, but it's time to face the fact that it must be the alcohol.

And I'm not happy about it! Not a bit!Which makes me wonder: Why does the prospect of having to stop drinking make me so annoyed?

For one, because I've cut enough things on my diet already. (even though I'm aware I'm the worst gluten intolerant in the world and still make little pizza exceptions, to reward myself on a bad day.)

But the biggest reason is that it feels like drinking alcoholic beverages is the only reckless, slightly self-harming, mind-altering, rebelious thing I do.

Without it I'm a fucking mormon.



I even have a similar dress... good god.

And it's not that I neeeed it badly, to have a good time and partying. but, it's nice to have a vice. and I don't know how to replace this one with something equally cheap and legal.

suggestions anyone?